struggling

Having a hard time...In order to make my dreams to reality,i need to be more of an anti-social guy...although now i am a quiet guy where i only speak to my close friends or those i mix with for a long period,but,again,in order to realise my dreams,i have to be more unsocial than that..I became more lazy and always procrastinate in doing my homework..time was ticking,yet i am sitting around,day dreaming...I had to do finish my work in the same time study too..now i having some trouble especially in mathematics and add maths..never concentrate or pay attention when teacher was teaching.currently confuse and constantly feel frustrating.. there are many thoughts going around my head.the only thing that supports me is my goal..nth else..not even my parents..i even promise to score well in my mid year exams..don't want to break their trust on me..I question myself many times,can i be more socialise and be smart at the same time?Yes I can,but for now,i don't think so..they(my competitor,ex-Colin,Mei ling,shin nee and many more) are working hard too in their studies..however they have a good foundation,while i was pushing myself to study harder and in the same time,maybe smarter...However,i cant just simply give up for some stupid reasons such as(oh,my decision are too rally,or maybe; aah,why am I transforming to a nerd,am i stupid?..i know how important studies are,as it will decide my future when I take my Spm..just hoping to catch up the pace of being an A+ student..well,my dilemma is much complicated than this..this is the main dilemma i am facing....MY next goal after the mid year exam is to be more socialise..need to learn how to talk to anyone...i am bad in starting a topic or continue the topic..need to improve that as well..for now,i remain as a guy in silence...bye:(